Anybody Else Hear These Questions/Comments On A Regular Basis?

I have a theory about all of us. We live in the same house. We just have different addresses and last names.

Otherwise, we all seem to share the same common experiences in dealing with life, raising a family, etc. And with us all under house arrest, those similarities are probably now magnified. I’m guessing you may even see a few things on this list of the five most common questions/comments said in my house during the shutdown and think “been there, done that.”

Here’s the list:

1. “Am I mad at you about anything you did yesterday?” Yes, this gets asked about every morning by ONE of us. Being in close proximity for such a long period of time does lead to some petty skirmishes over monumental issues like “why didn’t you put that spoon in the dishwasher?” or “would it kill you to close the silverware drawer?” But usually the dispute is quickly forgotten (although if you reply with a particularly curt, witty and sarcastic answer, that WILL be brought up again in a conversation seven years from now). So each morning my wife will ask this to make sure the wronged party knows to start off the day feeling wronged.
   
   
2. “I don’t like your attitude.” This is a crowd favorite for both of us because it communicates an annoyance without specifically saying anything bad about the other. Tone, I’m discovering, is very important when under lengthy house arrest, and something as simple as saying “good morning” can sometimes elicit a “I don’t like your attitude” if presented in a less than robust way. Other questions including “where is the remote control”, “can you pass the butter” and “when was the last time the dog went out in the backyard” can also result in “I don’t like your attitude.” After this is all over, apparently I’m going to have to work on my presentation skills.
   
   
3. “What day is today?” At first everybody joked about it, but now we’re both seriously asking each other. There used to be events that occurred each day that gave you a sense of where we were in the week, be it a television show, something that occurred at work, when new sales started at grocery stores, etc. None of that happens now. It doesn’t matter what’s on sale at a store, if they have it the day you’re in there, you buy it no matter what the price. There’s no live sports on, which is all I want, and my wife DVRs all her shows and watches them in one marathon sitting. Going to work is nothing more than getting up, having the laptop turned on and signing into the VPN by 8 AM. The sameness of each day just runs together.
   
   
4. “What can we have that’s different tonight for dinner?” Just as there is a sameness in the days, there’s also a sameness in the ability of the cook. And even if you wanted to be adventurous, the ingredients you can buy are not plentiful. Some types of flour for baking are hard to get, we used to use “ready rice” as a quick and easy side dish (but good luck finding any), and there’s a general fatigue about eating at home that has led to my wife saying “I’m tired of this restaurant.” Truth be told, most of us can cook 7 or 8 dishes pretty well, and if you eat out a couple of times a week (particularly on weekends) you can go 2 or 3 weeks before you circle back to the same meal again. But now what you cook on Sunday, you’re having again the following Monday. And don’t get me started on leftovers…
   
   
5. “Are you rolling your eyes at me?” That question, incidentally, has even been asked of the dog a few times during this shutdown. I suppose human AND canine instinctive  behavior is to nonverbally react when something perceived as unrealistic is mentioned. Most of them start off with “when this shutdown is over I’m going to…” and then involves spending massive amounts of money. But it can also happen over questions like “Do you want to watch a Hallmark Christmas movie I’ve DVR’d with me?” or “I think the dog would like to have a cat as a new sister.”

That's the list. Anything sound familiar?

I thought so...